Last month, we posted about an annual phenomenon on the first work week after New Year's Day in which where there's a marked increase in people filing for divorce. Call it "Manic Monday".
Now we're reading about "Valentine's Effect." Apparently, during the two weeks prior to and following February 14, there is also a spike in divorce cases. According to the LegalMatch and Forbes magazine, the trend was first noted in 2003, noting several consecutive years since then where requests for divorce lawyers increased significantly around the holiday devoted to significant others.
For Manic Monday, it was apparently the stress of the holidays and being forced to spend a lot more time with family. The disenchanted spouse used the holiday time for reflection, and then at the first opportunity went to see a divorce lawyer.
Apparently, Valentine's Day is a time of stress and reflection, too. Or at least that's the best guess so far.
It is uncertain exactly why this spike occurs in February, but past research has suggested that much of it has to do with stress about romantic fulfillment. "When it gets near Valentine's Day, people start to realize what it was supposed to be like," says divorce attorney Richard Paris, "They remember what it was like to be loved."
LegalMatch Associate General Counsel, Ken LaMance, also supports the Valentine's theory. "We have seen an increase every year around Valentine's Day," he says, "Both domestic violence and divorce cases tend to rise around that time, and it seems logical to blame it on romantic tension. A lot of expectations are high, emotions are running high-it's a recipe for heartbreak."
As we look ahead to March, we know that spring is not far away. And as we know, that's the time of year that the heart turns to love. And so, we might expect that a couple that isn't experiencing the love will use this as a time of reflection and to entertain thoughts of divorce.
We've also heard that June and July are high months for divorce, supposedly because the school year has ended and there's less to stand in the way of leaving home and marriage. Also family vacations create additional stress on a marriage, and so it's a reasonable expectation that divorce filings should increase then as well.
Truth be known, there seems to be no lack of stress in marriage today, no matter what time of year it is. And if you're not careful, that stress can turn to contemplation of how bad things are, and of what life could be without a spouse to drag you down.
Rather than focus on the high-stress times of the year for contemplation, we need to be doing more contemplation throughout the year. Contemplation of the Philippians 4:8-9 variety:
Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious-the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. (The Message)
It doesn't take much effort to see all that's wrong with your spouse, but it's a real exercise to focus on all the good that's there. Chances are, the more you focus on the good, the more you'll view your spouse as a blessing instead of a curse.
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