By Scott Williams
In my previous post on the television show, The Moment of Truth, I told about Lauren Cleri, who answered a series of questions that may have damaged her marriage beyond repair. Not all contestants are that shameless, however. Some are pretty good folks who have had a hard time in one aspect of their lives or another, or who have thought or done things that are hurtful to others.
Take Ray Hernandez, a contestant a few weeks back.
"Have you ever flirted with any women at work?" Answer: No.
"Do you think your wife is still attracted to you physically?" Answer: Yes.
"Have you ever thought your wife deserves a better looking man than you?" Answer: Yes.
"Have you ever resented your mother for the way she treated your wife?" Answer: Yes.
"Have you ever looked at pornography without your wife's knowledge?" Answer: Yes.
"Have you ever fantasized about having sex with a woman other than your wife?" Answer: Yes.
"Would you cheat on your wife if you knew you wouldn't get caught?" Answer: No.
Obviously this was a man who has some integrity, but who slips into sin. But the big question to me is whether answering these questions in front of the world is the right thing to do.
Sure, the contestants stand to gain a lot of money, and the networks even more, since the questions make for good television. But the questions make for horrible marriage and family relations.
The only possible purpose for asking a contestant if he keeps a spreadsheet of the number of women he's had relations with (yes, this really happened) is that it makes good television. This man's horrified girlfriend certainly didn't appreciate learning this truth at the same time as the millions of others who were watching them both suffer on national TV.
The real truth is that nearly every question on the show should never be uttered outside the confines of the contestant's immediate family. When a trust is breached, a lie is told, or an indiscretion is committed, the person who committed it should seek first to make it right with those who have been directly affected by the offense. No one else. Period.
It was almost insulting to hear host Mark Walberg caution a recently married couple about answering any more damaging questions:
"You've got to ask yourselves this, even this early in the game: Do you guys collectively have the stomach for it, and as a married couple of only two years, is this wise for you to continue?"
- It wasn't wise for the couple to start answering the questions in the first place
- Secondly, the questions are none of our business anyway.
- And finally, Fox needs to stop feigning concern for couples like this.
In stark contrast, we know that God is the author of truth, and He's got bigger plans for it than The Moment of Truth. I believe that's why we see several places in Scripture that the truth isn't complete unless accompanied by right motives and actions.
Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ —Ephesians 4:15
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. —Ephesians 4:29
A wife calling her obese husband "fatso" is the truth. Telling him that she wants him to lose weight so that they will have many more years to spend together is saying truth in a context of love.
If there is a bright side to The Moment of Truth, it is that it drives home the importance of communication and trust within a marriage and family. Forsaking an intimate relationship has devastating consequences on many people, and the only possible way to make things right is to confess to those who've been offended, ask forgiveness, and to stay away from that sin from then on. Seeing lives destroyed like this should be sufficient warning to each of us to avoid even entertaining thoughts of sins that will not only take us down, but also the innocent people who are the closest to us.
If you're looking for an appropriate way to speak the truth and to take communication and oneness to the next level so you don't destroy your marriage, consider some of the resources that FamilyLife has to offer.
If you're a married couple who want to play that reveals how each of you see the releationship, and does it in a wholesome and fun way, consider Spouseology.
To improve communication in your marriage, consider Moments Together for Couples or Moments with You couples daily devotional.
If you're a couple who needs to jump start your intimacy, you'll want to consider Simply Romantic Nights.
(Check out another take on The Moment of Truth by Jordan Ballor at the Acton Power Blog)
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