FamilyLife Culture Watch

Top 10 countries for divorce

Divorce per capita (1000 persons)

Maldives - 10.97
Belarus - 4.65
USA - 4.19
Panama - 3.82
Russia - 3.66
Estonia - 3.65
Puerto Rico - 3.61
Ukraine - 3.59
Costa Rica - 3.58
Cuba - 3.54

So what else is wrong with the “hooking up” culture?

By Dave Boehi

“The paradigm has shifted. Dating is dated. Hooking up is here to stay.”

So began a fascinating recent opinion column in the New York Times titled, “The Demise of Dating.” In the past, a boy would ask a girl out to dinner, or to a movie, and they’d get to know each other and decide if they wanted to pursue a deeper relationship. Sex sometimes occurred on the first date, but usually was postponed because it signified a deeper commitment (even if that commitment didn’t last long.)

Today, many young people socialize in groups of friends, and part of the activities may include “hooking up” with one of these friends for sex, with no expectation of an ongoing relationship afterward. They might hook up with one friend one night, and another the following weekend, and so on. As the writer of the New York Times column, Charles M. Blow, explained:

It turns out that everything is the opposite of what I remember. Under the old model, you dated a few times and, if you really liked the person, you might consider having sex. Under the new model, you hook up a few times and, if you really like the person, you might consider going on a date.

I’ve been reading about the hooking up culture for years. What struck me about this article was the section where Blow interviews a college professor who recently wrote, Hooking Up: Sex, Dating and Relationships on Campus. He asked her to explain the “pros and cons of this strange culture”:

According to her, the pros are that hooking up emphasizes group friendships over the one-pair model of dating, and, therefore, removes the negative stigma from those who can’t get a date. As she puts it, “It used to be that if you couldn’t get a date, you were a loser.” Now, she said, you just hang out with your friends and hope that something happens. The cons center on the issues of gender inequity. Girls get tired of hooking up because they want it to lead to a relationship (the guys don’t), and, as they get older, they start to realize that it’s not a good way to find a spouse. Also, there’s an increased likelihood of sexual assaults because hooking up is often fueled by alcohol.”

It could be that the professor said more that Blow did not pass on in his column. But I found myself thinking, “I think I could list a few more things wrong with the hookup culture.”

• How about the fact that the hooking up culture leads young people to experiment with sex so casually, and at an age when they are hardly able to understand the emotional and physical consequences?How about the fact that it encourages the experienced to prey upon the inexperienced?

• How about the fact that it is increasingly encouraging bisexual experimentation.

There is much to be said about socializing in groups. But it’s dangerous to make casual sex an accepted and intrinsic part of that group socialization. I think my generation (baby boomers) took a huge step away from biblical teachings by experimenting with premarital, casual sex, and the hooking up culture of our children is another step in that direction.

The writer of this column feels it is sad that young people are losing the ability to “just ask someone out and get to know them.” I think it’s also sad that they are also losing the ability (even more than their parents) to save sex as something special to be experienced with a future spouse.

The Tale of Despereaux: Calling kids to something bigger

by Scott Williams

This year's showcase entry this Christmas family movie category is The Tale of Despereaux, an animated story based on the extremely popular Newberry Award-winning children's book by Kate DiCamillo. The movie opens across the country this Friday, December 19. And with its G-rating, it something the whole family can enjoy.

But let me get one thing out of the way right up front. Those who are big fans of the book are likely to be disappointed, say my sidekick critics Joy, 13, Ben, 11, and Becky, 9. Each of my youngest children has read the book, and they talked to me for half an hour about the major differences between the book and the movie. Being the readers they are, of course they prefer the book.

But author DiCamillo, who's more familiar with the book than any of my three had this to say:

“The movie version of ‘The Tale of Despereaux’ is a feast for the eye and the heart and the mind.  It is smart and beautiful, richly imagined and deeply felt, and glows with its own unique and wonderful light.  The movie serves as a testament to the power of hope and forgiveness and also works to remind us of the profound power of story, its ability to transform our hearts and change our world.”

So, we'll leave the book behind and head out for a review of the movie.

I'll add my two cents here (as someone who hasn't read the book) and recommend this as a great family activity during the holiday season. While the book and movie handle Despereaux quite differently, they both emphasize the idea of rising above the surrounding culture to live for a greater cause than oneself.

For those familiar with neither the book nor the movie, The Tale of Despereaux,is the fairy tale-type story of a little mouse born without fear and drawn to both truth and light. This doesn't sit well with the citizens of Mouseworld, who embrace fear and timidity as a central cultural value. Eventually they banish Despereaux from their presence because of his dangerous influence.

Among Despereaux's taboos are reading a fairy tale book (rather than eating it as other mice do) and talking to a human, the lovely Princess Pea. Despite the negative social consequences they bring, these two experiences open up a new world for Despereaux and allow him to find himself through courage, honor, justice, and always telling the truth. The princess is drawn to Despereaux, who considers himself not a mouse or rat, but a gentleman on a quest for truth and what is right. He maintains his vision and quest, despite living among the citizens of Ratworld, who have an aversion to the light and who can't get beyond self to see a greater cause.

Despereaux's tale is interwoven with that of two other characters who, like him, see beyond the oppressively narrow world that tries to engulf them.

Drive-thru marriage

By Scott Williams

It’s always intrigued me that Nevada leads the nation in both marriage and divorce rate. I know it has a lot to do with state laws that make both easier, but I suspected that all those Las Vegas wedding chapels might have something to do with it. So, a few months back I had I had the chance to satisfy my curiosity when I was in Las Vegas for the national BlogWorld convention.

You could say that marriage in America has become a drive-thru institution in recent years. Attitudes toward marriage are looking more and more like ordering food from a fast food restaurant. When you order, you expect little hassle, a meal that's completely disposable, and you know that you're likely to come back to the window for another meal in the not-too-distant future.

When it comes to marriage and divorce I think there's one state which most exemplifies the drive-thru culture—Nevada—and one city—Las Vegas. Is it any coincidence that there are over 100 wedding chapels in Las Vegas alone, including three where you don't even have to get out of your car.

Yes, you can actually get a drive-thru wedding in Las Vegas.

My first Vegas wedding
Driving up Las Vegas Boulevard (The Strip) from the airport, within 15 seconds of passing the iconic "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign I saw my first chapel: the Little Church of the West opened in 1942 and is on the National Register of Historic Places since 1992. Famous marriage ceremonies conducted there include one of Zsa Zsa Gabor's nine, one of Mickey Rooney's eight, one of Greg Allman's six, one of Judy Garland's five … Well, you get the point.

That’s what comes to mind when I think about marriage chapels in Vegas—big on ceremony, small on commitment. But then I interviewed a couple who had just gotten hitched at the Little Church of the West, and I saw a slightly different picture. Michael and Lindsey had known each other for more than four years. Rather than sink a ton of money and planning into a big wedding like their friends back in Dallas tend to do, they decided to go simple on the ceremony and save their money for the honeymoon right there in Las Vegas. While I think their decision to not have friends and family there to witness the blessed event wasn’t the best idea, I sure couldn't argue with avoiding debt for a three-hour wedding and reception. Turns out the average wedding in their suburb of Mansfield, Tex., is between $27,000 and $45,000, not counting the engagement ring or honeymoon.

Anyone, anywhere, anytime
Back in the car, I continued driving The Strip. It seemed I never had to go more than a few blocks before finding another wedding chapel. On just one side of the road I photographed 10 of them, and I wasn't looking very hard.

These chapels run the gamut from the ridiculous to the sublime. Each one seems to fit a niche market: You've got your cowboy weddings, Star Trek weddings, military weddings, and of course your Elvis weddings, officiated by an authentic impersonator. Then there’s the more traditional fare like garden weddings, weddings by candlelight, and scenic outdoor weddings.

These weddings are going on non-stop in Vegas. In my short afternoon drive up The Strip, I witnessed no fewer than seven couples either in the middle of a ceremony, or just walking out of a chapel after getting married. I imagine I could see a wedding ceremony in progress no matter what day of the week or time of the day. People come from all over the world to get married in Las Vegas.

Since Nevada law requires no blood test, waiting period or residency requirement, all it takes is $55 cash and proof of residency (anywhere) to obtain a license. Oh, and the Clark County Courthouse is open until midnight every night, including holidays. The cost of the ceremony is up to you.

For instance, at the World Famous Chapel of the Bells (yes, Mickey Rooney was married here, too) you can get by for as little as $125 for a simple candlelight ceremony. Throw in some background music, a few flowers, a video and other happies, and you're up around $500. Up the road, the much classier looking Chapel of the Flowers has packages up to $3,500 (Not sure whether Mickey Rooney ever married here). Would you like fries with that?

As I made my pilgrimage northward, I came to a fork in the road where a palm-tree lined boulevard headed left toward downtown. It was so picturesque that I almost missed what was on the right. Emblazoned across the side of the white art deco building, it jumped out at me:

"Say I Do" Wedding Drive-Thru

Around the world in 80 words - #44

IRAN: Worried that some young people might get into unsuitable relationships, the government is helping them look for a marriage partner using mostly traditional means.

UNITED KINGDOM:A woman who caught her husband having virtual sex with a prostitute on the online game Second Life, has served him with real life divorce papers.

IRELAND: The economic boom of the last decade saw marriage and birth rates rise by about 40 percent. About 1/3 of births currently occur outside marriage, though.