Stay-at-home dads: Here to stay?

By Scott Williams

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the number of dads staying home to take care of their children is on the increase, rising to 159,000, or 2.7 percent of all stay-at-home parents, in 2007. That's an jump of more than 50 percent over a five-year period.

But that number is almost certain to increase. Eighty percent of the layoffs during the current recession have been to men, since they dominate the most heavily-hit fields like construction and manufacturing, according to government data. At the same time, female-dominated fields like health care are more stable.

A recent survey by Career Builder.com found that 37 percent of men would stay home with their children if they had the opportunity.

Feeding the trend
Several factors seem to be fueling this rise in stay-at-home dads.

• In an increasing number of households, the wife earns more money than the husband.
• Many more employers are offering flexible hours and working conditions that allow these men the option of spending much of their time at home, even while working. This also works to allow more women in the workforce, as many more employers are willing to flex the schedules of working mothers.
• Several other factors may be at play that make it more likely for a wife to stay in the workforce. In times past, a woman would either forgo the workplace or make transitions in and out of it to make way for pregnancy and child rearing. Since 1960, the number of childless women has increased by nearly half, an increasing number who are childless by choice.

Cultural factors
Most of what I'm seeing indicates that very few men intend their stay-at-home status to be permanent, or even long-term. It seems to be a temporary solution to meet financial and parenting demands in the midst of a tough economy.

However, in a culture that's becoming more gender-neutral, male/female roles are becoming less of a determining factor in parenting and work. Few couples half a century ago would have even considered having the husband stay at home while the wife works. A substantial percentage of couples today see no problem with it. Instead, they look more at other criteria for making their decision--things like income potential and work benefits, career flexibility (including ability to work from home), and who seems to be the best suited to manage the home and relate best with the children.

In addition, there have been other changes in the culture that have made the idea of the stay-at-home dads more acceptable:

• The fact that more women than men attend (54 percent) and graduate college than in years past (men outnumbered women 58-42 percent in 1967) has shrunk the male domination of the labor pool to as little as 51 percent, according to a recent New York Times article 
• The expectation for husbands/fathers to be more involved in the domestic duties
• The increasing necessity or advantage of two-income homes

In spite of the current economy and cultural trends toward a gender-neutral view that make dads more likely than ever to stay home, broadly speaking, women are the better nurturers, and men are more energized by achieving goals. But when you get down the unique mix of personalities between a husband and wife, it plays out very differently from home to home.

Mars Hill Church in Seattle recently spoke to the issue, with concern about how the current trend lines up with biblical teaching about the role of the man as provider for his family and the woman as a nurturer of her home. As you can imagine, that sparked a bit of response, including this from a stay-at-home dad columnist and his readers. When the debate was over, everyone agreed that for a man to stay at home to avoid responsibility was wrong. The unanswered question is where to draw the line defining when a man is slacking and when he's providing for his family. Which of the following situations is an allowable reason for a responsible family man to stay at home:

• His wife makes a better salary or has better benefits
• He's better with the kids than she is
• He can't find work (whether he's actively seeking it or not)
• His job allows him to work from home, while her's doesn't

And then there's the question of the wife. Career Builder.com also did a survey that showed 51 percent of working mothers would stay at home if their husband earned enough. Questions arise:

• Is she working because she's fully agreed on the plan, or is it just as an acceptable option?
• How long will she continue to work before she resents not being able to stay at home, and how long before he realizes how she feels about it?
• When she comes home, does she take over the home responsibilities, so that she's working her job and half of his?

Do you have any feedback on this particular issue? We'd love to generate some discussion, particularly if you have faced the issue personally.