Everyone who's been married for even a short while knows what conflict can do to a marriage. But a new study of marriages in the "seven year itch" shows that the absence of conflict (and interest) can be just as destructive.
Couples who found themselves in a rut in year seven of their marriage were likely to report dissatisfaction by their 16th anniversary. However, satisfaction in the seventh year didn't predict less boredom by year 16.
The researchers, from University of Michigan and Stony Brook University, found that boredom undermines closeness, which in turn reduces marital satisfaction. Things like lack of satisfaction and unresolved bitterness lead to isolation, the polar opposite of oneness.
"It suggests that excitement in relationships facilitates or makes salient closeness, which in turn promotes satisfaction in the long term," [researcher Terri Orbuch] said.
Couples can reduce boredom by participating together in exciting activities. The closeness may lead to greater satisfaction, partner responsiveness, commitment and trust, the researchers said.
Truth is that, without intervention, isolation is the default direction of marriage. Only couples who are actively growing toward each other will continue to experience satisfaction in their marriage relationship.
That is why much of FamilyLife's ministry has always focused on helping couples grow in oneness and fight isolation. And since marriage is such an intimate, multi-faceted relationship oneness needs to develop not just physically, but emotionally, socially and spiritual as well.
God never intended us to settle for so-so marriages, or even good ones. Marriage is designed by God as an earthly reflection of the relationship he desires with the man and woman he created in His image. Here are some resources to help you avoid boredom and isolation and to experience a truly great marriage as God intends it.
Stumble It!
