By Scott Williams
"Let's Just Live Together."
That was how Pastor Bryan Carter of Concord Church in Dallas titled the final sermon in his six-week series on maximizing singleness. Far from encouraging shacking up, his intent was to prod the cohabiting singles of his congregation with a challenge.
If you aren't honoring God by your behavior, move out. And if you want to get married, get married — the church will pay for it all, the gowns, tuxedos, rings, even the wedding cakes.
"I told them, 'We've already made arrangements, and we'll have you married in 30 days,' " Carter said of that Sunday morning. "I said, 'Meet me at the church at 3 o'clock and we'll provide more details.' "
He was worried that no one would show up. To his relief, and surprise, 30 couples came. In the ensuing weeks, they received pre-marriage counseling and an evaluation of their compatibility as a married couple. By the end of the 30 days, 18 of the couples showed up for the ceremony.
Some acted on the offer because they were convicted about the moral dubiousness of living together. Others were sold because it offered them the dream they had always wanted, but couldn't afford.
The weddings cost the church $8,000, a bargain considering the typical wedding in that part of Dallas runs $18,000-$30,000. And that's not an affluent area.The median household income there is only about $5,000 more than the high end of that range.
That's part of the problem. Weddings today are being seen more as social affairs than as a public declaration of the lifelong union of one man and one woman. A young girl dreams about her Cinderella wedding. Then she finds as a young woman that she and her Prince Charming don't have the resources to pull off the big event, and because she can't separate the ceremony from the commitment, she decides that marriage must not be a reasonable option. Anytime the cost of a wedding prevents a marriage, you have to realize the perspective is all wrong.
The other big part of the problem is cohabitation. In the last three decades, the number of unmarried couples has grown six-fold, and is increasing exponentially today.
"No one wants to get married anymore," Carter said. "They simply want to just live together and enjoy all the benefits of marriage without the commitment."
The reasons couples cohabit are varied, but generally fall into three categories.
- Distrust or devaluing of marriage as an institution or lifestyle
- Cultural divorcement of marriage from sex and childbearing
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Financial considerations
When a culture reinforces the equal validity of all forms of relationships, I believe that God's original design for marriage shows itself to be a one-of-a-kind gem among cheap imitations. The church has not held a high standard, and that has become one of the main reasons that marriage has been rejected by our young people in increasing numbers as just one option of many. Unfortunately, many people simply consider the church as little more than a blessing machine and a picturesque destination for weddings.
The tendency in Christian cultural circles has been to criticize no fault divorce and same-sex unions for destroying the institution of marriage. But Scripture is clear that the world cannot understand the things of God (1 Corinthians 2:14). We have the great privilege of showing the world what marriage is, not just cursing what marriage isn't. We are standard bearers, not stumbling blocks.
Kudos to Pastor Carter and Concord Church for doing just that: showing that marriage is a commitment, not a ceremony; a means for mutual growth toward oneness, not a place to selfishly have needs met; and a blessing from God, meant to reflect the relationship He desires with those He created in His image.