FamilyLife Culture Watch

Separation of church and marriage?

by Scott Williams
and Bob Lepine

In the wake of the California Supreme Court's decision to recognize same-sex marriage, Episcopal Church leaders there are discouraging everyone from marrying in the church. The denomination doesn't recognize homosexual marriage.

"I urge you to encourage all couples, regardless of orientation, to follow the pattern of first being married in a secular service, and then being blessed in the Episcopal Church," Bishop Marc Handley Andrus wrote his clergy last month.

Upon first reading about it in the Boston Herald, we wondered whether this might be a signal that the church, which has already ceded so much ground to the state when it comes to marriage, is finally giving up on it altogether.

In recent decades within Western civilizations, Christian marriages have first been blessed by God and celebrated in the church, and then recognized by the state. Today it seems, we look to the state to sanction and bless marriages, while making the blessing God and the church completely optional.

Reading the article, it becomes obvious that the Episcopal Church position is an attempt to sidestep the homosexual marriage issue. But some of Bishop Andrus' fellow clergy think it makes sense for the church to avoid the sanctioning of marriage altogether.

The Very Rev. Brian Baker, dean of Trinity Cathedral in Sacramento, supports the bishop's proposal.

Being a part of couple's special day is an honor, Baker said. But like other clergy, he believes weddings have become too trying in recent years.

"There are a lot of benefits in getting out of the legal marriage business," he said. "This way the clergy and the couple can focus on the spiritual blessings the church has to offer and not the political stuff."

While many couples choose to celebrate the start of their marriage in their home church (usually that of the bride), church attendance across denominations is dwindling, so increasing numbers of couples end up shopping for a church like they would for a cake, flowers, the gown or the invitations—something that looks pretty and would make the ceremony memorable.

The real issue is that God is the one who has the authority to bless a marriage. He is the author of marriage, and the local church or denomination is the caretaker of the things of God, His representatives on the earth. Marriage is a physical picture of the spiritual union between Christ and his church.

Bishop Andrus' proposal moves the church in exactly the wrong direction.

More on The Golden Compass

As we wrote last week, there is a lot of concern among Christian parents about the upcoming movie, The Golden Compass, and rightfully so. Philip Pullman, author of the His Dark Materials trilogy that begins with The Golden Compass, is very open about the anti-God message that emerges from the books that are aimed at young readers.

Last week, we quoted film critic Jeffrey Overstreet on the upcoming screen adaptation and received a lot of traffic and some interesting comments from readers. Now there is concern about the Scholastic Publishing Company and their promotion of the books and the upcoming movie to school children. Scholastic has a long history of encouraging children to read by offering age appropriate books to students at affordable prices. They also provide parents and teachers with resources to guide children into a love of literature.

Scholastic has a section of its website devoted to His Dark Materials. As might be expected, the site plays down the controversy surrounding Pullman's admittedly atheistic worldview, while playing up the value of openly discussing the literature. Consider these two excerpts from the Scholastic website, the first quote by Catholic educator Father P.S. Naumann, and the second from an interview with Pullman himself:

Here Comes the (Robo)Bride

It was only a matter of time before it happened: the marriage of our culture's fascination with both sex and technology. So this week across the globe, news organizations are reporting the predictions of artificial intelligence researcher David Levy, who believes that people will be having sex with robots in the next five years, and even marrying robots by mid-century.

Levy recently completed his Ph.D. work on the subject of human-robot relationships, covering many of the privileges and practices that generally come with marriage as well as outside of it.

At first, sex with robots might be considered geeky, "but once you have a story like 'I had sex with a robot, and it was great!' appear someplace like Cosmo magazine, I'd expect many people to jump on the bandwagon," Levy said.

In his thesis, "Intimate Relationships with Artificial Partners," Levy conjectures that robots will become so human-like in appearance, function and personality that many people will fall in love with them, have sex with them and even marry them.

Say what? Did this guy see the "The Stepford Wives" one too many times?

When you stop to consider that over the past decade, our face-to-face interactions have become far fewer while socialization is happening more and more through electronic means, and you add to that how sexuality is becoming further removed from intimacy, all of a sudden the idea doesn't seem so far fetched.

But marrying a robot? While the cynics read about "intimate relationships with artificial partners" and who think "I have that already with my spouse," the whole premise raises a lot of issues for followers of Christ to consider.

The Seven-Year Switch

Gabriele Pauli, Bavaria's chic, red-haired motorcyclist who helped bring down the state's Christian Social Union premier Edmund Stoiber, is laying out her platform to gain control of the very conservative party. In the process, she is causing great controversy by suggesting that marriage should last just seven years.

While launching her campaign manifesto, she accused the CSU, which promotes traditional family values, of promoting unrealistic ideals of marriage.

"The basic approach is wrong ... many marriages last just because people believe they are safe," she told reporters. "My suggestion is that marriages expire after seven years."

After the seven-year mark, options for dissolution or renewal should be available to couples, she noted.

Pauli, 50, with two marriages under her belt, is set to cause some ripples in the male-dominated and mainly Catholic party which has dominated Bavarian politics since World War II.

"This is about bringing ideas into the CSU and starting a discussion," she told German television on Thursday after she had unleashed a wave of criticism from other politicians.

Peter Ramsauer, head of the CSU in Germany's parliament, compared Pauli's ideas to "the dirt under your fingernails".

How would the seven year marriage idea work out practically? What kind of emotional strain would it place on a marriage relationship? And is anyone thinking about how this would affect children?

Imagine two friends having lunch. Both have been married for six and a half years. The conversation might go something like this:

"So, your seven year anniversery is just around the corner. Have you decided yet whether you're going to renew?"

"I just can't decide! My wife wants to renew, but I just don't know. She's put on a few pounds, you know. And she can be a nag, sometimes. And you know Julie at the office? Man, she is hot! And we've been in some meetings together, and I think she has her eye on me."

"Can't decide whether to stick with the model you have or trade in, huh?"

"Yeah. I know I'd miss the kids if I decided not to renew, but at the same time, it would be nice to get a good night's sleep for a change."

What a nightmare.

A Not-So-Fairy-Tale Ending

I don't know how long the concept of a "soul mate" has been a part of our thinking, but it has undoubtedly polluted the thinking of many husbands and wives.

If you buy into the myth that the key to a great marriage is finding that elusive "soul mate" - someone who shares your ideas, your hopes and your dreams - you're going to be disappointed. That's because even a soul mate has a sin nature, and it's our sin nature that leads us into conflict. If, when there are disagreements, conflicts or harsh words in marriage, we are convinced that the problem is that we obviously didn't marry our "soul mate," then we'll start looking outside of our marriage for someone who is more like minded instead of applying the scriptures to resolve our conflicts and reconcile our differences.

That's apparently what happened to a young Bosnian couple. I wish they could have attended a Weekend To Remember!

Sarajevo - A young married couple from the central Bosnian town of Zenica decided to divorce after realising (sic) they had cheated on each other with each other on the internet, media reported on Wednesday.

Sana, 27, and Adnan, 32, Klaric, used the nicknames Slatkica (Sweetie) and Princ radosti (Prince of Joy) when they met in an internet chat-room.

During a couple of months of internet communication they became closer and opened up their souls to each other, discussing their daily and marriage problems as well as their newly discovered secret love and understanding.

"I was suddenly in love again. It was beautiful, I thought I finally found someone who understands me, and who is in a similar situation - in a bad marriage, like I am," said Sana.

Both Sweetie and the Prince of Joy believed they found new soul mates and potential partners for the rest of their lives, so they agreed on a date to finally meet each other.

They were shocked when they realised (sic) that they actually knew each other, having been married for several years.

"It is still so hard for me to believe that Sweetie, who told me so many sweet things and who understands me, is in fact the woman I am married to, and who never told me such words," Adnan said.

Accusing each other of cheating, the couple immediately decided to divorce.